This is "SOBRIETY IS A PROCESS," which is Chapter Eight of "The Addict's Guide to Recovery" by Emily Sussman, LCSW; illustrated by J.E. Larson.

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“I don’t believe that anyone should be shamed or coerced into adhering to a standard of sobriety that they aren’t ready for, or that doesn’t make sense to them. If complete sobriety from all substances is what you authentically need and want, that’s terrific. If not, then it’s critical to begin your recovery by exploring your willingness to get sober from the drug(s) you are clearly powerless over — the source of your out-of-control behavior, declining health, and emotional distress.

I recognize that there are plenty of people in the world of recovery (which includes both recovering addicts and the professionals who treat them) who believe that an addict is an addict is an addict, and that any addict who wants to recover needs to abstain from every potentially addictive substance, lest he or she risk becoming addicted to whatever could fill the void left behind by their drug of choice. To them, sobriety means no more alcohol or potentially addictive drugs — forever. (One day at a time, of course.)

I once saw a documentary about marijuana addiction where one of the addicts interviewed said, “If you put me on the moon without any weed around, I’d be smoking moon rocks in no time.” A good number of us addicts are simply wired that way. If there’s an accessible emergency exit that allows us to escape ourselves, we’ll head that way instinctively, no matter how well things are going otherwise.

I have a problem, though, when the total-sobriety people start condemning other recovering addicts who aren’t doing the same. Because shaming and peer pressure are such effective motivators for positive change… not!

Besides, what I’ve observed is that even such an unequivocal approach to sobriety isn’t a hard and fast solution guaranteeing peace, freedom, and happiness. What if a recovering alcoholic is successful at abstaining from all addictive drugs, but he obsessively pursues a series of intense, short-term relationships — the inevitable failure of which sends him into frequent spirals of despair and self-loathing? Such a person wouldn’t be able to reap the benefits of recovery, as long as he’s engaging in such self-destructive behavior.

Unfortunately, I’ve seen many recovering addicts suffer when they turn a blind eye to the impact of their dubious extracurricular activities, whether that’s compulsive sex, gambling, anger, cigarette smoking, binge eating, video gaming, or workaholism. It can be all too easy to fall into denial about the damage Your Addict continues to inflict, as long as you’re busy patting yourself on the back from a lofty tower of chemical sobriety.

Conversely, I’ve worked with recovering alcoholics who use cannabis edibles before bed without any symptoms of abusing them. I’ve worked with recovering sex addicts who have a glass of wine with dinner, but don’t think twice about alcohol otherwise. I’ve worked with recovering drug addicts who can put bets on the Super Bowl, or buy the occasional scratch-off ticket, and not get sucked into a gambling addiction.

Who am I to tell these people that they’re doing recovery wrong, if they’re not experiencing any emotional or behavioral distress as a result of those behaviors? Not that it would matter, even if I did raise an eyebrow. Growth is best facilitated when we can recognize and accept the truth about ourselves — not when other people try to tell us who we are, or what we need to do.

That said, it’s entirely possible that behaviors that have historically been non-problematic for you may become problematic. Hence, the trial and error aspect of many recovering addicts’ sobriety.

Please take heart, though, that falling into another form of addictive behavior doesn’t have to spell disaster, or be an ominous indication of your future in recovery. Instead, I would urge you to regard any slips back into powerlessness as critical information about what doesn’t work for you anymore.

The most important thing is your capacity to admit that there’s a problem, followed by your willingness to address it. Both of those skills will come with time, as you scale the learning curve of honesty and self-reflection that are integral to recovery.

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Sent with True Love from the Universe ❤️💫